


One look, not much, but you saw enough.

by omgbellamy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Apologies, Beaches, Caring Clarke, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Hugs, Love, Original Character Death(s), Reconciliation, Sad Bellamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 22:23:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6772648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgbellamy/pseuds/omgbellamy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy and Clarke have a talk on the beach while they are on the mission to search for Luna. During 3x13. Bellamy expresses his worries for his future with Octavia and his own demons. Clarke comforts him and they reconcile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One look, not much, but you saw enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Set during 3x13 hug. Some of the script is the same, but this is my own take on the 3x13 hug and the dialogue that I would have put in there. Hope you enjoy.

“Bellamy.”

He hears his name. A soft female voice that belongs to none other than Clarke Griffin. He knows because he knows Clarke and he knows no other woman in his life would use that soft voice on him after all he has done. 

“Let me guess, you came here to fix things?” he guesses. He doesn’t mean to sound bitter, but he does. Because he is. He is still angry at her for leaving and he knows that by this point, he doesn’t have much right to be. Clarke left for Polis to save their people. She stayed for them, he tells himself. That’s why she didn’t come home with you when you asked. But it still hurts. It hurts him more than he cares to ever admit to her or anyone else.

“I came to see if you were okay,” she tells him. He can see from his peripheral vision how persistent she is. There is a flicker of sympathy in her sea blue eyes that makes his blood boil. He doesn’t mean to be angry about it, not really. It’s just from Clarke Griffin, his co-leader; he doesn’t want that kind of treatment. He wants her to treat him like every other human being on Earth and not like a basket case.

He still refuses to meet her eyes. He glances over towards the fire instead where he sees the light green flame flicker. He can see Octavia from the distance, perched on a log, journal clutched to her chest. His stomach tightens. He thinks of Lincoln, thinks of his little sister witnessing his execution, seeing him fall as she describes. He can’t imagine her pain and grief but he still longs for her. He still longs for his younger sister to accept and love him, for him to do his job as a protector. 

Instead, he says, “Clarke, I’ve lost her. She hates me.”

Clarke doesn’t deny or confirm this fact. She knows the truth as well as Bellamy does, it isn’t like he needs to hear it again. “She needs time,” she tells him. “She just lost the love of her life. She’s lashing out and she’s grieving.” Clarke looks pained as she says this, which puzzles Bellamy. He doesn’t understand the significance of the flame or what went down in Polis with Lexa’s death, but he knows she’s upset about it. He thinks back to the moment in Niylah’s when Jasper was going to destroy the chip and how insistent Clarke was that it was Lexa. 

Bellamy nods, knowing this. “She blames me. She blames me for Lincoln’s death. Hates me for it. She said she can’t even look at me.” Bellamy winces at the words, feeling like a stab to his heart. He doesn’t know why he’s pouring his heart out to Clarke at this time or even at all after all he’s done. He doesn’t deserve her forgiveness or her ear to listen.  
“Bellamy,” Clarke says. She reaches out tentatively and touches his shoulder.  
Bellamy flinches even under her feather light touch. He repels from the contact, from her. He doesn’t deserve it, chanting in his mind like a mantra. 

“You have blood on your hands. We all do. You’ve murdered, but Lincoln’s death...that’s not on you. His blood is not on your hands.” She says this determinedly and passionately, so much to where he almost thinks he could believe it if he wasn’t already a mass murderer. 

“Some of it is, Clarke. You weren’t there when it happened, but I was working with Pike. I trusted him and I believed that his leadership was right. He called for the arrests of my people, my friends – Lincoln. I stood by and watched. I let it happen.”

“Maybe so, but his death, his execution... you tried to stop it. You offered your help. I know you never wanted him to die.”

“He’s still dead,” Bellamy snaps more at himself rather than Clarke.

“Octavia will forgive you eventually, Bellamy. You're siblings and she can’t hate you forever. You’ve been through too much you’re too close to let that go. But you have to forgive yourself first. You have to believe that you can move on.”

“How can I, Clarke?” Bellamy asks, eyes boring into hers. The fierceness and desperation in his voice makes Clarke’s heart ache. It shouldn’t, but it does. “Octavia can’t even look at me and because of me she lost the one person she allowed herself to love and care about. She told me that I’m dead to her, Clarke. We can’t come back from that. And I can’t forgive myself for all the horrible things I’ve done, you know that. You know I’m a monster.”

Clarke doesn’t know what to say. She saw a glimpse of the Blakes being on different sides but she hadn’t been aware of Octavia’s treatment of him. Clarke didn’t blame Octavia for being angry, furious for wanting to rage, because Clarke felt the same about Lexa. 

“Time,” Clarke says.

Bellamy wipes a stray tear falling from his cheek and turns back to her, gazing at her intensely like he always does. 

“Time heals wounds. Time heals heartbreak, eases out the losses, and stops the hurt from grief. It doesn’t take it away completely; you’ll carry that with you forever. But it will get better. Things will be fixed. You can’t take back what you’ve done or what’s happened, but you can learn from it.”

Bellamy watches her in wonder. How did the Princess of the Sky People who he once called ‘the privileged’ contain so much optimism and wisdom? Clarke had been through the most with herself on the ground, he believes. Clarke trying to be the peaceful good guy and having to lose those she loved unfairly. How could she be so optimistic after losing Finn, her father, the genocide at Mount Weather, Lexa? How could she still believe in him, look him in the eye after all he had done? 

Though Bellamy doesn’t believe time will heal his wounds, he keeps it quiet. Instead he says, “I was so angry at you for leaving. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.” He decides to be vulnerable, because God knows she already has seen all the sides of Bellamy Blake in their short six months on the ground. She’s only one who knows him like this. The only person who still has faith in him. 

“You know you’re not the only one trying to forgive yourself,” she informs him. He looks at her. He knows. He knows Clarke Griffin just as well as she knows him. It was a part of their co-leadership, their relationship, to know the other like the back of their hand. They don’t need words to communicate with the other. The actions speak louder than words with them. He sees the struggle. He sees Clarke’s internal struggle on her face. Her lips are quivering and her eyes have a hard edge with a whisper of sadness in them that deliberate the past and the future. He sees in how stiff her body is, by how hard she clutches the necklace around her neck where the chip hangs that she’s trying and struggling, to forgive herself for her own demons. 

“I’m sorry,” he opts for. Clarke’s head snaps back towards him, eyes wide in surprise. “I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I’m sorry I blamed you for everything that’s gone wrong. I’m sorry for not trusting you, not listening to you when you gave me the chance to rectify my fuck-up. I’m sorry for calling you Wanheda. I’m sorry for handcuffing you, really. And I’m sorry about...”

He hesitates. The word is on the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t feel as if he can say it. Not now. He knows that Clarke probably doesn’t want to hear the word or his shitty apology but he just needs her to know it. If nobody else in the world can forgive him, the least he can do is try to apologize to the one person who might have enough mercy left to forgive him or to least understand where he is coming from. 

He doesn’t say her name but Clarke knows. She gives him a sad smile. “Thank you,” she whispers softly. It means everything to her coming from him. She’s aware of his own dislike of the Grounders so she thinks that his apology is surprising. But she’s thankful for his apology. He’s the only one who had enough courage to bring up Lexa with her. Nobody else has asked, for which she’s grateful for, but it just tells her how much Bellamy knows her and cares. Even after all he said to her in their heated argument, Clarke can see he is sorry. She can see he’s trying and that by expressing his sympathy for her loss of someone who he had no attachment to, that he means it.

“We need each other, you and I,” she tells him, a soft smile on her face. He’s still crying, eyes shining with tears and pain, but he’s with her again. “We need each other to pull off this mission in finding Luna. Together.”

He grows nostalgic at that. Not that it’s a fond memory, but he remembers. She’s echoing his words from Mount Weather when they both pulled that leaver. “Together,” he’d said. The time when he hoped that with that word he could take the burden from her shoulders and share with her the guilt in what they were about to do. Because if the world went to hell and everything crashed and burned around them, if the sky fell, at least Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin would have each other to drown in. 

Bellamy nods, “Together,” he echoes. 

And then it happens. Clarke with a small smile on her face launches herself at him. Her own small but powerful arms come around his back, pulling him to her in a tight hug. His own arms reciprocate, one arm wrapped over her shoulder and clutching her blonde tresses, the other holding her small waist, cuddling her frame to him. He buries his face into her shoulder, snuggling into her. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care if it’s embarrassing or not because he’s hugging Clarke Griffin like the air he breathes, like he’s never going to let her go because he’ll be damned if this is the last time he gets to hold her like this.

Clarke eases herself into his touch, head coming up to rest on his shoulder as done so in their previous hugs. Her eyes are closed and Bellamy can feel her even breath in his ear. He feels pride swell in how relaxed she seems in his arms. He hopes that he can provide her with the same comfort that she gives him.

Clarke smiles. She smiles into the hug. She feels like this could be the beginning. The beginning of their new start. She knows that they have a long way to go, her and Bellamy, but it’s a start. It almost feels like that first time when she hugged him, launching herself into his strong arms. Only this time they’ve both registered how much they need each other and they both need this hug more than anything.

They have more burdens this time, more blood on their hands and more guilt, but they still have each other. And right now to Clarke and Bellamy, it’s everything. Because with each other they’re always there and with whatever they go through, whenever they are separated they always come back to each other, come back to the home they both share.

They pull away from each other and Bellamy stares at her. The soft smile etched onto her face makes his heart leap and his stomach twist. He knows why. He knows what that means but he suppresses it. He suppresses it because he knows now is not the time and it isn’t right for either of them. They both have obligations as leaders to find Luna and to preserve the safety of their people because they owe them that. Clarke owes it to Lexa, she thinks, to find Luna and continue Lexa’s legacy of moving towards peace for the Grounders and Bellamy owes it to all those people who he killed, to all those who died in the two Mount Weather attacks at his fault. 

They put some distance between them, meeting each other’s eyes again. “Together,” they say in unison as they make their way up the beach to meet Octavia and Jasper and continue their mission.


End file.
